Song Meanings: Ashes

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Lyrics

The modern telling of an ancient curse
A new soul twisted in the timeless roots of arrogance
Driven by madness to be the first in line
To subjugate my brothers and chain them all to my unfettered pride

Everything I've gained
I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing Christ my Savior
I've never been so alive
As when to myself I died
Rising from the ashes inside

What is the nature of freedom, human?
To sate your carnal appetite?
To take and twist and break in your fist
Any semblance of righteousness?
The passion that compels you has enslaved your will
The vice squeezing tighter each time you've had your fill

I vow to live and love and hope
Because I have no second chance
I vow to shed the cloak of ritual
And honor your desire to enchant
Every passing moment
  

Nothing New

I wrote this song in just a few minutes back in early 2012, with the exception of the bridge ("I vow to..."), which is borrowed from a song I wrote with a band called Rhinelander back in about 2003. (For more on Rhinelander, click here.) "Ashes" describes a continual self-realization: no matter how hard I try, the root of my personality seeks personal gain through the domination of others. Some part of me always wants to humiliate others (however subtly) in order to put myself in a position of greater influence.

This is no new thing; selfishness and oppression are as old as humanity. As the opening lines state, this is simply the "modern telling of an ancient curse / a new soul twisted in the timeless roots of arrogance." We want all want to be God, to rule over others.

I Sense a Trap

But the sickening part is that, even when I have achieved greater status and influence through my actions, I am never satisfied. In fact, the more success I taste, the more I find myself entangled in the desire to succeed. That's what the second verse of this song describes. As an example, consider the all-consuming desire to accumulate wealth described in Ecclesiastes 5:10–12: “He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income; this also is vanity. When goods increase, they increase who eat them, and what advantage has their owner but to see them with his eyes? Sweet is the sleep of a laborer, whether he eats little or much, but the full stomach of the rich will not let him sleep.”

As Paul put it, "Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?" (Rom. 6:16) To continually return to the same mistake is to allow it to control you. You are no longer your own; you are the pawn of your animal instincts.

Time is Short

We only have so much time on this earth. Since our purpose is to pursue the presence of our Creator and emulate His character, any struggle with selfishness is, beyond all else, a distraction from the truth. I think that's what bothers me the most. (I have written about this before.) God has given me the chance to transcend my own selfishness, and I am nonetheless perpetually mired in it. I am wasting time, precious time to love those around me and work diligently in the tasks He has given me, both great and mundane. 

The only way for me to transcend my own selfishness is to view the world like Paul did, forsaking the chance for earthly greatness in favor of the pursuit of God. That's why the chorus of "Ashes" is a near-direct quote of Philippians 3: "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord" (Phil. 3:7–8).

The promise of the outro ("I vow to live and love and hope") is one I should repeat to myself with each new morning. It is a desire to recognize that every minute is saturated with the holy presence of I Am, every second pregnant with hope and joy. If I am distracted by my animal instincts, how can I possibly fully experience this life?